The History Boys by Alan Bennett

Author:Alan Bennett [Alan Bennett]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780571246885
Publisher: Faber and Faber
Published: 2004-03-21T16:00:00+00:00

Staff room.

Mrs Lintott So have the boys given you a nickname?

Irwin Not that I’m aware of.

Mrs Lintott A nickname is an achievement … both in the sense of something won and also in its armorial sense of a badge, a blazon.

Unsurprisingly, I am Tot or Totty. Some irony there, one feels.

Irwin Hector has no nickname.

Mrs Lintott Yes he has: Hector.

Irwin But he’s called Hector.

Mrs Lintott And that’s his nickname too. He isn’t called Hector. His name’s Douglas, though the only person I’ve ever heard address him as such is his somewhat unexpected wife.

Irwin Posner came to see me yesterday. He has a problem.

Mrs Lintott No nickname, but at least you get their problems. I seldom do.

Posner Sir, I think I may be homosexual.

Irwin Posner, I wanted to say, you are not yet in a position to be anything.

Mrs Lintott You’re young, of course. I never had that advantage.

Posner I love Dakin.

Irwin Does Dakin know?

Posner Yes. He doesn’t think it’s surprising. Though Dakin likes girls basically.

Irwin I sympathised, though not so much as to suggest I might be in the same boat.

Mrs Lintott With Dakin?

Irwin With anybody.

Mrs Lintott That’s sensible. One of the hardest things for boys to learn is that a teacher is human. One of the hardest things for a teacher to learn is not to try and tell them.

Posner Is it a phase, sir?

Irwin Do you think it’s a phase?

Posner Some of the literature says it will pass.

Irwin I wanted to say that the literature may say that, but that literature doesn’t.

Posner I’m not sure I want it to pass.

But I want to get into Cambridge, sir. If I do, Dakin might love me.

Or I might stop caring.

Do you look at your life, sir?

Irwin I thought everyone did.

Posner I’m a Jew.

I’m small.

I’m homosexual.

And I live in Sheffield.

I’m fucked.

Mrs Lintott Did you let that go?

Irwin Fucked? Yes, I did, I’m afraid.

Mrs Lintott It’s a test. A way of finding out if you’ve ceased to be a teacher and become a friend.

He’s a bright boy. You’ll see. Next time he’ll go further.

What else did you talk about?

Irwin Nothing.

No. Nothing.

Mrs Lintott goes.

Posner.

Posner Sir?

Irwin What goes on in Mr Hector’s lessons?

Posner Nothing, sir.

Anyway, you shouldn’t ask me that, sir.

Irwin Quid pro quo.

Posner I have to go now, sir.

Irwin You learn poetry. Off your own bat?

Posner Sometimes.

He makes you want to, sir.

Irwin How?

Posner It’s a conspiracy, sir.

Irwin Who against?

Posner The world, sir. I hate this, sir. Can I go?

Irwin Is that why he locks the door?

Posner So that it’s not part of the system, sir. Time out. Nobody’s business. Useless knowledge.

Can I go, sir?

Irwin Why didn’t you ask Mr Hector about Dakin?

Pause.

Posner I wanted advice, sir.

Mr Hector would just have given me a quotation.

Housman, sir, probably.

Literature is medicine, wisdom, elastoplast.

Everything. It isn’t, though, is it, sir?

Scripps Posner did not say it, but since he seldom took his eyes off Dakin, he knew that Irwin looked at him occasionally too and he wanted him to say so. Basically he just wanted company.

Irwin It will pass.

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